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I love travel. I love love. But in my life, travel and love do NOT love each other.
When I was a teenager working in my local Oxfam shop I once had to refuse to sell a DVD player to an old Romany gypsy woman. Not because I was being racist, but because someone had just dropped it off and we weren’t allowed to sell it on until we had sent it off to get it checked/ make sure it was safe. ANYWAY, she wasn’t very happy and proceeded to “curse” me. She never said specifically what kind of curse she put on me that day, but I think I’ve finally figured it out.
THEN
Every single major relationship that I have had has ended during, or just after a trip.
Hey, maybe it’s me? I mean….. it’s not likely, but it COULD be 😛
There was a messy break up in New York City after an insane house party. My mother was supposed to be picking us up from the airport. You should have seen her face when I came rushing through arrivals by myself and essentially shoved her into the car muttering “just drive, I’ll explain on the way, DRIVE!”.
There was a painfully long, drawn out break up after I spent a Summer in New Zealand. Unfortunately there’s no funny story about that one.
And then there was a break up BEFORE a trip to Prague which we both still went on……….with my ENTIRE family…….. not awkward at all………. I’m not sure if you noticed, but that was sarcasm. It was the most awkward holiday of my life.
DON’T WORRY! We’re all still friends…… kind of.
Trust me, there are many more (much worse) stories about travel/romance disasters where those came from. But we won’t go there.
NOW
So, of course, given my history with travel and relationships, what better idea than to plan a 7 week trip with my boyfriend. Oh and did I mention that we’ve never spent more than 5 days together since our road trip across Europe? (Long distance. But not for too much longer. Woohoo)
SO, get ready! In less than one month we’ll be on our way to Boston, Houston, California, Hawaii and back to where I was born, New Zealand. HOPEFULLY, this time, things will go a little smoother.
You can start taking bets now if you like, whether we’ll make it or not! But I have a sneaking suspicion that we might.
Immunity?
So what’s the difference? Why do I think we might beat my travel curse this time?
WELL, mainly because I can’t REALLY say anything otherwise since my boyfriend will read this. It wouldn’t look so good if I was like “Yeah, basically, we’re fucked!”. But aside from that, there’s a few other reasons.
Our relationship was pretty much born out of travel, which I’m hoping gives it a sort of natural immunity to my travel curse. KIND of like getting a vaccination. We’ve been exposed to short periods of watered down travelling together, so now we should be immune, right??
We met in Portugal, he lives in Sweden, I live between Ireland and England. We’ve been in 6 countries together over the past 6 months. Granted, we’ve never been in any one country together for more than 4 or 5 days. It’s hard to REALLY have any serious issues with someone in such a short period of time. I guess that’s where the challenge will lie for us over the 7 weeks that we’ll be travelling together.
Perhaps we’ll suddenly decide we can’t stand each other? Not likely, but you never know. Maybe he’ll get annoyed at the fact that I’m always staring at my phone or laptop (Digital Nomad problems) ? More likely, but manageable. But really, we’re both pretty laid back and honest, so what could go wrong? That was an expression, not an invitation to list all possibilities.
Canada Vs Africa
Now, what makes me and my boyfriend pretty perfect for each other is that we both travel like there’s no tomorrow. The idea of staying in the one place for any length of time doesn’t appeal to either of us. Where’s the adventure in that? However, it’s also this part of our personalities that doesn’t really do us any favours relationship-wise.
We find it hard to pin each other down. Not literally, in case you wanted to know (I’m sure you didn’t). But whenever we talk about the future (even if it’s just a few weeks away), neither of us can really tell the other where exactly we’re going to be. At the moment the rough plan (always subject to change) for the Summer puts me in Canada working on a horse ranch and him in Rwanda doing all the geological stuff ( Yep, I’m sure he’ll be very proud of my use of the technical term right there). Sooooo this may be where the travel curse sneaks it’s way into our relationship.
Though I’m not discouraged just yet. I kind of tend to make my own luck and go after what I want in life. SO, if we decide we still like each other after our 7 weeks of travelling, I guess I’m just going to have to figure out some way to make a Canada-Rwanda long distance relationship sound like a good idea to both of us. Any ideas??
BUT YEAH. There you have it. Now you know, possibly, a bit too much about me. Wish me and my boyfriend luck on our trip and I’ll keep you guys updated on how we’re surviving.
I know there are plenty of couples that make travelling work for them, so let’s hope my travel curse died a horrible death along with my last relationship.
Are you in a long distance relationship? What’s your secret? OR Have you had any travel-related romance drama? SPILL!
TELL ME IT’S NOT JUST ME!.
Oh yeah, every trip. Once he “lost” me in Cuzco because we were having a problem communicating. Every trip we have to get over that first spat and then we settle in. It may help that we’ve been married 28 years and don’t think about breaking up often. So we just expect an upheaval at some point, usually at the beginning of the trip. No matter how much you love to travel it’s stressful, personally and on a relationship. Seems like you have a good one there, somebody who gets it. Talk about it before you go. And then have a great time together.
WOW 28 years! That’s amazing 🙂 Thanks for the advice!!
Oh no! Gypsy curse?? Or perhaps travel is the way to weed out the weak and fast track you out of the relationship which was not supposed to have happy ending?
Could be fate, with a helping hand from the world…. 😉
I once went on a trip with a guy who I had just broken up with – was a touch awks but still managed to have a good time… we went back to Thailand where we had met so it was almost a poetic ending.
I need to go on a long trip with my current beau – see if we could survive it!
http://saintsonaplane.com
Ah your Thailand trip doesn’t sound too bad Sophie!! Mine in Prague was him basically trying to get us back together and me 100% not wanting that.
Hahah yes, you and your gentleman friend should try a long trip, the ultimate test!:)
Love this read! Isn’t it bad that we all just like to get nose-y in everyone’s love business?? hehe! Hopefully this next adventure goes well, sounds super fun, and it really is what you make it!! Communication! Every travel relationship I found myself in, was pretty short lived lol, but lots of people make it work! Right now, my partner is in the military, so we go in waves of long distance. I find taking care of your self is number one: I stay nice and busy with my own projects and work on truly fulfilling myself. I also love to create care-packages and send them his way! There are a lot of neat ways to feel loved and give love from a far 🙂 It works so long as everyone is contributing!
Also, when are you coming to Canada? And where are working at a ranch?? I’m literally going to be moving all over the country through this year, so maybe it’ll work to bump into you!
AWWWW a care package! That’s such a cute idea!!
I’ll send you a message about my Canada plans ASAP 🙂
For me, it never worked out with guys from my own country. My first serious boyfriend was Danish (and I am Slovak) and we met on a pilgrimage. We lasted for two years long distance, but then it just became obvious that he was too lazy to take the next step and get closer. (I was at the uni at the time while he didn´t study or have a steady job or anything that would attach him there) At least I got to know Copenhagen a bit 😀
Now, two and something years ago I met this guy from Colombia. We hitchhiked around Cambodia together during two and a half months and then I returned to Slovakia to start my master degree while he went on to Vietnam and Laos. We went long distance (without seeing each other) for seven months and when it became apparent that he won´t be able to get the schengen visa (money issues plus nobody likes a Colombian), I made a huge decision. I took a break from my studies and moved to Colombia. We worked and traveled there and after a year and a half we went to Slovakia, so that he can get to know my culture and family and all that stuff…and in order for him to be able to stay while I finish my studies, we married. Now we love each other lots and we are one of these horrible sticky sweet couples, but I really hope it´s gonna last because the amount of paperwork required for already the marriage was sickening…don´t even want to think about an international divorce, hahaha! (*Laughing hysterically*)
Well…when I´m finally done with my studies, we´re hitting the road again. We are planning to hitchhike accross Asia, from Slovakia back to Cambodia where we initially got to know each other.
Tips for surviving your trip?
Well, for us, it always works better on the road…we fight less, we are happier and healthier (unless we get some tropical disease…) – I wouldn´t worry too much. Just dive into it, you are going to travel so there won´t be any routine. And since you don´t spend every minute together, you are still precious to each other. That is the best part of a long distance relationship, I think 🙂 Good luck!
(And sorry for the loooong comment! I couldn´t stop myself!)
Where abouts in Canada?? I’m in Ontario. Specifically, north of Toronto. 🙂
I’m in the States and my boyfriend is in Ireland – We’ve made it work for a year and a half so far, with lots of Skype dates, plenty of frustration and love (aw…. =p)! When we first met, I extended my trip from 3 weeks to five weeks, but we barely knew each other at that time, and since then we’ve spent an average of 10 to 14 days or so together every three to four months. It’s tough because the short amount of time doesn’t give us time to get used to being together again after months of doing our own thing all the time, and after the first few days of honeymoon, we almost always have some growing pains (some more dramatic than others, but we’ve always worked through it), then just as we’re settling into “isn’t it wonderful to be together!?” It’s time for one of us to go home again. But I’m graduating school in March, and then I’m going to Ireland for 3 months to spend some real time together and do some traveling (Lanzarote, OHMYGOD. Talk about the American dream lol: Spain + Sexy Irish Boyfriend = living it!). I can’t wait to get more than 2 or even 3 weeks together, it’s going to be amazing. I plan to move over there sometime in the near future, and I can’t wait!
Long distance is challenging, but worth it! The biggest things in my experience are to be open to seeing who that person actually is once the honeymoon “best behavior” wears off, , don’t get hung up on “should” (“I should feel this way”,” or “it should be this way”) . Distance is like the great magnifier, every little problem looks bigger the further away you are and talking about it helps you keep perspective. Revel in the time you get to spend together and don’t overthink it too much! I hope you have a great time!
Naww babe – this is shit… shit shit shittity shit.
My engagement also came to an end directly after we returned from Bali… but his exit was both completely rude and very discreet if that’s even possible.
Firstly, he decided to get absolutely FUCKED on the flight back on red wine and when I was asleep on his lap he spilled the red wine ALL over me. Delightful. It was a pretty sticky and smelly 12 hour or so flight. He then just disappeared off the face of the earth when we got back into South Africa… after the whole Bali trip I’d helped with….. and I had to figure out that I was no longer engaged and in a long term relationship. I was left to cancel an entire wedding I had paid for, I lost ALL my deposit money and now have a wedding dress hanging in my wardrobe that I will never get to wear… and it is beautiful… think I showed you a picture of it?
I think I may have stumbled across this gypsy somewhere along the way too…. bitch. But she surely can’t curse us forever babe, I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that this one will be different because from everything you’ve told me about your boyfriend he is absolutely wonderful and you deserve only the very very best my friend. I am rooting for you!!! Best of luck and update us on your fun fun fun travel adventures soon.
PS I am now also in a very brand spanking new long-distance relationship and am very very happy 🙂
Best of luck Tara! Travelling together really does reveal a lot about your relationship. It will be a change to spend 24/7 together. Hope it all works out for you guys! Have a great trip!
Oh Tara. I’m in no position to give any sort of dating advice as I absolutely suck at it. And especially with regards to the long distance thing. My relationship that turned into a long distance one after I went back to Denmark ended a couple of weeks ago. But hey, I’m sure you guy will make it! If it’s meant to be, right? 😀 x
Haha, I have the same with our company cabin – every time I have planned going there with boyfriends, we break up 😉
Jinxed place!
WELL, I must say, me and my boyfriend are doing great after our 2 month trip! So give your company cabin another chance 😉
Ah. I’ve had a few long-distance relationships with people in different countries (and, indeed, continents) where we’d travel every few weeks/months to see each other, and that worked very well for me – it meant I wasn’t worrying about the minutiae of the relationship every second of the day and I could relax about it. The relationships didn’t end up surviving because we figured out we were better as friends than lovers; it had nothing to do with the distance and more to do with the fact regardless of how intense or not they are, I just don’t really function that well in relationships … :p
In the main though, I try to keep travel and relationships separate. I never travel with a partner, and nor do I ever look for a, shall we say, ‘connection’ when I travel. It just makes it simpler in my head, and far more relaxing on the road, if I only have myself to worry about on my trips!
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After three years of solo travel and in the last place I could ever expect, I met my boyfriend on the remote Greek Island of Lesbos and two years later (in February 2018 we got married). I married a true Lesbian man (yes, people from Lesbos are the original Lesbians). Strange things can happen out there.