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monster in the airport

Now, I’m not saying I’m an angel, but I’m normally a fairly chilled out person (if my family are reading this they’ve probably wet themselves laughing already). But there’s just something, well several things, about airports that make me lose my mind. I go from cool, collected world traveller to raging bitch beast in the time it takes someone to ask “Did you pack your bags yourself?”. Here’s why I turn into a monster in the airport;

1) Toilet doors that open inwards.

What is this? Who thought this was good idea? We are in an AIRPORT. Nearly everyone in this building will have luggage with them. In order to get into the toilet and successfully close the door you basically have to climb on top of your bags. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have nearly lost a boob to one of these doors! Sure, if you’re travelling in groups you can afford the luxury of having someone else watch your bags, but when you’re a solo traveller (like myself) those bags have to join you in the cubicle whether the door likes it or not. Absolutely ridiculous!

2) People that seem unable to scan their boarding cards.

Look at the barcode on your boarding pass, now look at the machine. Now place the barcode under the laser/light in the machine. Yep, just like…… oh wait no…… you, somehow, have managed to mess that up. Have you honestly never had to scan a barcode in your entire life? That’s one privileged life you’ve been leading. The rest of us, who’ve probably experienced at least a month of retail work in our lives, will be leaving you in our dust thank you very much!

3) People that haven’t got their liquids/laptops/shoes ready for security.

Are you for real? Have you been living under a rock? I am completely baffled by you as a human being. I have places to go and YOU are not helping. When I get to security I’m basically wearing nothing and have my laptop and liquids (in the correct sized clear bag) all neatly prepared to place in the tray. Then I breeze through the metal detector while shooting daggers at whatever unfortunate holiday-maker had previously been slowing me down. Probably the one having to put their luggage back through the machine because they forgot that they can’t have scissors in their hand luggage. Grrr.

monster in the airport

death stare

4) When the electronic passport machine doesn’t read your face.

Eh, it’s still my face. The picture is only a year old. I have not aged drastically. My hair is scraped back from my face. I have no sunglasses on my head, we are indoors. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! It would have been quicker to queue up and see a real life person. It makes me feel like an absolute criminal.

5) When there’s a strike.

I’m not pointing any fingers here (France), but strikes in airports are so far beyond inconvenient. I once waited hours to get through ONE security gate in an airport , *cough* Paris CDG *cough*, because, well, everyone else had decided to strike. I ended up missing my flight. Demon-mode was well and truly engaged. These people are so selfish, wanting good pay and decent working conditions. How inconsiderate.

6) No free wifi.

Really? In this day and age?! Get out. Just get out. How am I supposed to tell everyone that I’m at the airport? I might as well not be going away if I can’t make everyone at home jealous! This probably should have been number one, it really is most important. I mean how else am I going to avoid eye contact with fellow passengers if I can’t stare at my FB home feed??

7) No charging stations.

SO MANY airlines operate with electronic boarding passes now. What if your phone dies in the airport before you board your flight?? Your phone could have been fully charged when you arrived at the airport but due to all the delays caused by the above reasons, the battery won’t be lasting much longer. What’s an airport-goer to do? Well luckily I haven’t found out yet. But STILL, it’s just SO annoyingly inconsiderate and thoughtless. I’ve taken to bringing a spare battery with me everywhere ever since my phone nearly died when I was leaving Portugal.

8) When people take hours to check their bags in.

It’s called bag-DROP. Drop your bags and GO. Jesus, some people have getting in everyone else’s way down to an art. In Thailand, I was once stuck behind a family that were asking the lady behind the counter a MILLION unnecessary questions. I was ready to take a hit out on them by the time they finally plodded off to hold everyone up at security no doubt.

9) It’s too hot.

I am an absolute MONSTER when I get too warm and some airports definitely don’t help this. Zurich is by FAR the hottest airport I have ever experienced. Then again I suppose the fact that I’m usually wearing a million layers to avoid extra luggage fees probably doesn’t help either…..

10) When you have to get weighed before you get on the flight.

Yep, you heard me! In the Philippines I was checking in for an internal flight and after weighing my bag the lady behind the desk gestured to me and then to the scales. After a few drawn out seconds I grasped her meaning and nearly DIED. I had to climb up on these scales that displayed my weight in big red figures for the entire queue behind me to see. GREAT. Well, if that doesn’t make a girl angry I don’t know what will. Needless to say, I was not pleased.

 

Now, I don’t want you to think I’m all negative about flying, because I DO love it, BUT I also made a list of people that make flying a horrible experience! Check it out if you’re feeling grumpy and love a good rant. hah. In the mean time here’s photographic evidence that I can actually smile and I don’t always turn into a monster in the airport….

monster in the airport

I don’t always listen to my necklace…

Did I leave anything out?Probably! What makes you crazy in airports?


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22 Responses

  1. Phoebe

    Haha this is hilarious! I completely agree! I love my airport efficiency but it seems no one else can grasp whats going on. Also wow Philippines! That is mortifying.

    Reply
  2. Dolores

    You should do the flight from Galway to Aran Islands. They weigh you but then assign your seat according to your weight 🙂 🙂 granted, it is only a small plane..8/9 seats!

    Reply
  3. Kev

    I’d add to this –

    Airlines that don’t open anywhere near enough check -in desks (I’m looking at you BA – 3 desks opened for three flights leaving at the same time = chaos. Didn’t even get to go to Frankie & Benny’s it took so long…)

    Selling people tickets with connections that are totally unrealistic – landing at Chicago with a 1hr 20min connection time to SF which meant I had to *deep breath* clear immigration, collect bag, clear customs, drop off bags, change terminals, go through security *hi TSA*, sprint to gate, find out gate had been changed, find new gate, find out flight had then been delayed. Have beer.

    Bags that take a ridiculously long time to get from plane to luggage carousel. I mean I can get off the plane that fast why does it take so long to unload a bag????

    Mini-rant over 🙂

    Kev

    Reply
    • Tara

      HAHAHAH, Kev I’m afraid I’ve gotta say, YOU should check your transfer times before booking. NEVER EVER EVER book a flight that has less than 3 hours as a stop over. Anything can happen. Don’t go blaming the poor travel agent, caveat emptor and all that 😛 They have a job to do. hahaa. Take responsibility for your own actions 😉 hahaahhaah. Is that too harsh?? You know I still think you’re great. haha.

      Reply
      • Kev

        Haha way, way harsh!!! 😛

        I would agree if I’d booked two flights separately but both legs were sold as a combined ticket on the same airline (American) so I think they have a reasonable duty to sell you something that’s fit for purpose! It all worked out in the end anyway – all part of the adventure haha

        Next time I will bow to your experience/wisdom and only book longer connections 😉

        Kev

  4. Gabby

    This is HILARIOUS. I may have spat my coffee out. Can relate to ALL of these, especially number 4. I apparently have a face that is completely unrecognisable by those machines…. WHY!? Utterly ridiculous. And number 10 is horrendous. I haven’t been to the Philippines yet, but may now have to go on a crash diet before hand ;). Great post, thanks for the laughs!
    Gabby recently posted…6 Little Lessons Travel Has Taught MeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Tara

      Awww so glad you enjoyed it 🙂 Spitting coffee out is EXACTLY what I was going for. My day has now been made. Thank you 🙂

      Reply

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