Soooo as you may, or may not, know I have recently consented to be the girlfriend of a crazy curly-headed surfer/photographer/travel blogger. Yeah, consented. I had to sign a contract and all. I wonder if I can get out of that by claiming insanity? Hmmm.
I have never dated a blogger before. This is a whole new world to me, and unfortunately not always quite in that Aladdin, Jasmine, magic carpet sort of way.
In every relationship, what an intense word, there are pros and cons. However, when you’re dating a travel blogger these pros and cons are rather more unusual. I thought I’d give you all an insight into the weird and wonderful ways of this fairly extreme type of dating. Here we go…..
- Travel, obviously. These people will probably encourage or talk you into travelling with them to far off lands. This is, of course, a wonderful thing if you are not a home bird. Being half-hobbit, I’m always up for a good adventure, this aspect works for me. I’m pretty sure the Gent asked me to go travelling with him after about 3 weeks of knowing me. I don’t really think he expected me to actually do it. I surprised him.
- Free stuff. Ok, this may be shallow, but can’t be ignored. To be honest, this will probably be used as a selling point when trying to get an unsuspecting victim into bed. They’re proud of their blags. They should be, it’s awesome. While dating a travel blogger you will probably end up with an array of free, or at least discounted, travel/activities/travel accessories. Now, I’m not the kind of girl that can be bought, but I do love free stuff. When the Gent told me he’d blagged my horse-riding trip in Iceland I could have used the L word. COULD HAVE. Yep, Lesbians.
- You more than likely will not have to meet their family. Well, actually this is completely not true for me. In fact, I ended up making desserts in his parent’s kitchen to bring to his grandparents house. However, likelihood is that if you meet and end up dating a travel blogger it will be in their natural environment (anywhere that isn’t home). Hence, if you have to meet the parents, at worst it would be a Skype call – easy enough to run away from.
- There is always a party. I have not drank this regularly since I was an emotionally unstable teenager. Wine is now a food group for me. Don’t tell my GP, they’ve already sent me one of those binge drinking letters. How rude. ANYWAYS, if you like to drink, dance and generally have a good time, a travel blogger will always be happy to provide this. Wild parties and bad decisions are their speciality. They probably won’t judge you when you’re passed out in the corner with no clothes on and a pile of vomit surrounding you. This is very nice of them. Not that I’ve ever done that or anything.
- They’re normally babes. This may be a generalisation but people that travel for a living tend to have a tan or at least a healthy glow. Sun-bleached hair is normally a guarantee. Some variety of quirky tattoo and one too many bracelets/anklets is standard. Often they smell like coconuts and sun cream. This all usually combines nicely. Maybe I’m biased. Of course, personality is what’s most important 😉
- Let’s face it, they were probably whoring it up for quite some time before you started dating them. You know what they say, practise makes perfect. They’re going to be pretty good in bed. If you don’t think about it too much, this is a good thing. Just take ’em to the clinic first 😉
- STORIES. These guys normally have the craziest stories around. Like the time the Gent was surf coaching in Morocco and saw a man take a shit in the middle of the street. Not even the strangest tale from his travels. Everybody loves a good story.
- You will be in constant competition with their camera/smart phone/laptop/blog groupies. Yes, there is such a thing as “blog groupies” apparently, as my boyfriend likes to remind me *insert venomous hiss here*. In Iceland his camera and iPhone saw more action than I did. However, since he has managed to pour tea over his laptop that’s one less thing to worry about. Mwahahahah. Seriously though, this will get annoying at some stage.
- They have a tendency to believe that anyone’s inclination to travel was inspired by them. Let’s be honest guys, anyone that chose to read your blog in the first place was obviously interested in travel……. or they wouldn’t have gone looking for a TRAVEL blog. But maybe I’m being a cynical bitch, though that’s not like me at all! 😉
- Same travel stories over and over. “Did i tell you about *insert name here* ,my friend, that did something crazy this one time in some foreign country?” Hmm, yes, yes you did darling. Twice already this morning in fact, but I’m going to smile and nod anyway.
- They will talk about people they met on their travels as if you should know who they are. You will have no idea who they are. They will name places in remote parts of Asia and expect you to know what they’re talking about. Google maps will be your new friend.
- Flighty! See what I did there?! And no I don’t mean they get flights regularly. Though that is also true. What I do mean is that this type of person is used to life on the road- just packing up and leaving whenever they decide they don’t like a place anymore or they want a change. They tend to apply this way of thinking to everything in life. You’ll make plans, they’ll bail last minute, you’ll get mad, they’ll be like “I don’t have to listen to this shit, I’m off to Moscow! Oh, didn’t I tell you? Must have slipped my mind. Maybe I tweeted it ?! #YOLO “. I shall refer you back to the fact that my trip to Iceland was originally supposed to be a trip to visit the Gent in Portugal. Then he changed his mind, about everything. He was also supposed to NOT come travelling with me and stay in the UK for a year, he also changed his mind about this, and a million other things in between. Though I suppose I’m happy about that last bit.
- Go the distance? It could potentially end up being a long distance relationship. FUCK THAT. That is all I have to say on that matter.
- High likelihood of infidelity if they’re on the road with all those sexy foreign people around. Let’s be honest, hostels basically run on sex and alcohol. It would be hard not to be tempted by all the beautiful people. I certainly know what I’ve gotten up to in hostels. However, if your travel blogger is a good one I suppose you don’t have to worry about this. But it is a definite hazard.